Mark Driscoll on Marriage and Women

Posted on by Pam Larson

“This section of scripture is exceedingly controversial. Peter discusses the role of women in marriage and their relationship to their own husbands. This is a must see sermon for all married couples, and will help unmarried people arrange their lives in a way that will prepare them for a godly marriage.” Mars Hill Church website

TEXT: 1 Peter 3:1–6
PREACHER: Pastor Mark Driscoll
DATE: March 15, 2009

Introduction

Three general categories that describe many marriages:

1) Non-Christian Feminism
No distinction between the roles of husband and wife. They live parallel lives, legally married but functionally single.

2) Christian Egalitarianism
No distinction between the roles of husband and wife. They also live parallel lives, but often share some unifying, ephemeral elements (e.g. kids, hobbies, church).

3) Christian Complementarianism
Husband and wife fulfill distinct and equal roles. They live as one together under God’s authority with unified purpose.

Wives are to follow their husband’s leadership

Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Jesus loves the Church (Eph. 5:25); Jesus died for the Church. Jesus’ example guards against chauvinism and other abuses of the principle of submission.

Ways a husband can handle disagreements with his wife:

  1. Pray and discuss with your wife. Be patient. Wait for her to come around.
  2. Appeal to a higher authority (pastor/counselor).
  3. If the matter is pressing and/or a decision cannot be reached, the husband must decide. His wife should submit to the decision.

Wives are to preach wordless sermons

Those who have unbelieving husbands should not nag or be preachy, but rather love, serve, and respect their husbands, praying that God would use these actions to soften the husband’s heart.

Wives are to cultivate true beauty

There is nothing wrong with outward beauty, but it is “fleeting and deceptive” (Prov. 31:30). Holiness is true beauty. Godly wives have a quiet and gentle spirit; they are not silent, but prudent (knowing when and where to speak).

Wives should seek to know exemplary women

Peter gives Sarah as an example, and the Bible is clear that she is flawed. She is exemplary for her honesty and repentance, not because she is perfect; she ultimately did submit to God and to her husband.

Wives should fight fear

Fear (what if it doesn’t work out? what if I’m unhappy? what if my husband makes a bad decision?) makes life miserable and should be fought against by faith.

Submission Does Not Mean:

  1. A husband is in ultimate authority.
  2. A wife does not have independent thoughts.
  3. A wife does not seek to influence her husband.
  4. A wife must obey her husband’s command to sin.
  5. A wife is less intelligent or competent than her husband.

Submission Does Mean:

  1. A husband and wife are equal with complementary roles.
  2. Wives are to submit like Jesus did in Gethsemane (Luke 22:42).
  3. Husbands are to lovingly lead like Jesus does the Church (Eph. 5:25).
  4. A single woman should only marry a man she can follow.
  5. Christian marriage shows the Trinity and the gospel.

Book Recommendations:

3 thoughts on “Mark Driscoll on Marriage and Women”

  1. This is such a good theme to be discussing in this postmodern age in which we live.
    I’m sure that if we can grasp these simple Biblical directives for family life, our marriages would be sweeter.
    More often than not of course, we hear that a man should love his wife as Christ loved the church. Thats true.
    Few, in public ministry, however, have the courage to extrapolate the role of the wife in nurturing marital harmony. Lets paint the whole picture of Christian marital teaching and not just one part.
    Husbands love your wives. Wives submit to your husband. Children obey your parents. Three precepts for a more harmonious family life.

  2. Ways a husband can handle disagreements with his wife:

    2. Appeal to a higher authority (pastor/counselor)

    The husband on his own should not go to a pastor/counselor for advice. This is a slippery slope and could create just more problems because her views could be misrepresented, the advice misunderstood and no doubt she would feel slighted. Also use of the word “authority” is inappropriate because it means that the authority will take sides or make a decision. A better choice would be to discuss the disagreement with someone with more knowledge or experience with the subject matter that the husband and wife and either accept or reject in whole or in part.

    Submission does mean

    I would add a number 4a

    4a The husband sets the spiritual tone in the home.

    This is very important because the husband is not in competition with Jesus or the pastor. To paraphrase Paul in 1 Cor, the wife is focused on pleasing her husband. Thus a single woman needs to be confident she can follow her potential husband’s spirituality and not be in conflict with him.

  3. It’s actually a cool and helpful piece of information. I am happy that you just shared this helpful information with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.

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